


applesauce

by plinth_of_life



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Babies, Canon Rewrite, Episode: s05e07 A Whisper of Desire, Fluff, M/M, POV David Rose, Plans For The Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28411821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinth_of_life/pseuds/plinth_of_life
Summary: David makes Patrick pretend they are the fathers of Roland Jr. to convince a client to work with them. But actually thinking about fatherhood gives David complicated feelings.Or, a rewrite of "A Whisper of Desire" in which Patrick is the one who walks in during the business deal, not Roland.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 16
Kudos: 119





	applesauce

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic in this fandom and i hope you like it!
> 
> i actually thought this is where this subplot of this episode was going until Roland showed up so I decided to write it myself. i am glad this conversation did come up in the show and the conversation they have here is heavily based on the one shown in "The Premiere"

“Well, why don’t I swing back on Wednesday, and pick everything up for the baby shower?”

David is practically beaming as Tina picks up her complimentary bag of products and loops it over her shoulder. A new client is just what the store needed and David can’t wait to tell Patrick about he sealed the deal with his natural charisma and stewardship. He’ll neglect to mention the fact that this rogue baby was what _actually_ sealed the deal, lest Patrick take that as an opportunity to tease him about using the infant for marketing purposes. Still, David considers persuading Roland and Jocelyn to let him “babysit” Rollie Jr. next Wednesday. He can overcome his aversion to children long enough to help the business and impress his boyfriend.

What David did not plan for is seeing his boyfriend through the window, returning from Town Hall with a confident smirk on his face. He would be excited to hear about Patrick’s apparently successful audition and tell him how proud he is if not for the situation at hand.

“And I hope I’ll see you on Wednesday, too!” Tina coos at the baby, bending down and grinning at him so wide, David wonders if her cheeks hurt.

Then, the shopkeeper’s bell rings and David wishes he never got himself into this mess. _Patrick’s never going to let me live this down_.

“Hey!” Patrick greets David with a wide smile and gives him a peck on the cheek. He turns around and smoothes out his sweater at the sight of the well-dressed woman standing in front of him. “And you must be Tina! I’m Patrick Brewer, David’s partner in business and… otherwise.”

He reaches out his hand and she shakes it, still grinning brightly.

“Nice to meet you, Patrick. I’ve just been spending the afternoon with your two special guys,” she says, looking at him with the warm fondness of someone who has her own special people waiting for her at home.

“My two…?” Patrick looks at David, completely puzzled. David would think the way his brows are crinkling together would be adorable if not for the circumstances.

“Yes, well, that’s the thing with having a family-owned business. It’s always hard to be away for very long,” David lets out a forced chuckle and awkwardly rocks the stroller back and forth, hoping Patrick notices the baby inside.

“I can imagine! Look, I should probably let you guys have some family time but please, call me if you have any questions or anything. I am so looking forward to working with you, David. And you too…!” Tina looks down into the stroller again expectantly.

“Roland Ju-... Ju...sssssst Roland! Our little Rollie,” David finishes her sentence. He knows Patrick can see his clenched teeth and white knuckles but he’s hoping Tina doesn’t notice.

“Aww, alrighty, bye bye, Rollie! I’ll see you and your daddies very soon!” Tina crouches down to wave at the baby then snaps back into businesswoman mode when she stands back up straight and tall. She gives a small smile to both men and turns to the door.

“Likewise,” David mutters through gritted teeth trying desperately to resemble a smile.

The bell jingles once again and the moment the door shuts, Patrick is reaching for David, gripping his shoulders and looking into his eyes with a mix of shock and utter delight.

“ _Daddies_ ?” Patrick asks, his voice strained and pitched high. “You, David Rose, famed hater of children, convinced our client that _he_ ,” Patrick throws a hand out, gesturing vaguely at the stroller. “is our _son_?!”

David clears his throat. He presses his lips together and averts his eyes to the floorboards.

“I might have let her make certain assumptions, yes…”

“David,” Patrick waits to continue until his boyfriend can look him in the eye. “You do realize we’ll have to tell Roland and Jocelyn that you’re using their _baby_ to sell products, right? Especially if you plan on keeping this schtick up.”

“I was thinking…” David rubs his hands up and down Patrick’s shoulders. “we could ask them if they need babysitting on Wednesday.”

“David—” Patrick’s stern voice is cut off by a loud cry. David jumps in horror. They both slowly turn their heads in the direction of the stroller.

Little Rollie’s face is red and tears have started forming in his eyes. Then, Patrick starts laughing.

“ _Excuse_ me!” David yelps. “This… _thing_ is making a fuss and you’re _laughing_?!”

Patrick keeps going, bending down with his hands on his knees like he always does when he finds something truly hilarious, often at David’s expense.

“It’s just… your- your _face_ , David. You look like you just witnessed a murder!”

David stamps his foot and places his hands on his hips. He squints at Patrick and raises an eyebrow.

“He was being so quiet! I didn’t expect him to go off like a fucking _alarm clock_!”

Patrick approaches the stroller, reaching in and taking the blanket off of the wriggling baby. He folds it and sets it on the counter by the cash register, shaking his head with a quiet chuckle.

“Okay, first of all, no swearing in front of the baby. Second, babies cry, David. It happens literally all the time and you would know that if you’ve ever been around one for longer than ten minutes.”

David huffs and crosses his arms with another stamp of his foot. But he can’t help the flutter in his chest when his eyes catch what Patrick’s doing. He sees him crouch back down in front of the stroller and undo the belts holding the squirmer in place. Then, in an instant, Rollie is in Patrick’s arms, still bawling but a little quieter now that he’s buried his face in Patrick’s soft sweater. David swears his heart does a somersault at the sight of Patrick’s hand gently rubbing the baby’s back and the way he gently bounces the tiny child in his hold.

God, he has to get a grip on himself.

“Um… so what’s the plan, now? He’s still making noise,” David wags a finger at the whole _situation_ going on in front of him, as if it’s still a complete annoyance and not a little bit heartwarming. _No, it’s still a complete annoyance_ , David thinks when Roland Jr. lets out another loud wail.

“He’s probably hungry, given how he’s trying to eat my sweater right now,” Patrick looks down fondly at the baby, mouthing at the blue poly-blend, leaving a wet patch just underneath the collar. David crinkles his nose.

“Ew,” he mutters. “Okay, well what should I give him? My granola bar?”

Patrick lets out another laugh.

“David, he barely has teeth. I think that applesauce will do the trick.”

David gasps and stumbles backwards.

“ _No_ . No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We do not _give away_ our $10 a jar, organic, artisan applesauce to customers who can’t pay.”

“Oh, well in that case, let’s see if I can find his wallet.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny. Shouldn’t Roland be back soon any way?”

“I overheard Ronnie on the phone with him in Town Hall. There’s live wires everywhere, David, it’ll probably be a while.” Patrick gives David a dastardly smirk, the one that always indicates David is not going to like what he says next. “In fact, I heard _someone_ refused to let Roland take Rollie down to Gwen’s. Sounds a little like that guy knows how to step up and take care of a baby, huh?”

“That… I just…” David turns away and bites at his nails. “I didn’t want to be liable if he got hurt.”

Patrick hums and David can’t help but glance back at him. His face has softened and he’s looking at David with too much love for him to take right now.

“Okay, fine, fine, let’s the open the goddamn—”

“David…”

“ _Gosh darn_ applesauce,” David says tersely. He grabs a jar off the shelf and cracks open the lid. “Okay, now what?”

“Well, we don’t have a high chair so he can sit in my lap over there,” Patrick points at one of the wooden chairs on the other side of the room. “and _you_ can grab a spoon from our silverware stash in the back.”

David takes a few steps towards the stockroom until Patrick’s directions finally click.

“Wait a minute. Are you asking me to _spoon feed_ him?” David grimaces at the thought.

“I don’t think he’s old enough to do it himself, David.”

David groans loudly, at the directions and the unending shrillness of the baby’s cries ringing in his ears. But he still trudges to the back, grabs a small spoon, and hopes for the best.

…

To his surprise, feeding a baby is not as hard as he imagined. Sure, much of the expensive organic goop ends up on Rollie’s clothes and all over his face but he never refuses any of the spoonfuls that come toward him.

“There you go, buddy, you’re such a good eater! Is David doing a good job? Yeah?” Patrick says softly, his voice verging on bonafide baby talk. David’s never seen him be so gentle before. It certainly makes sense; Patrick is a conscientious person, very aware of the feelings of others and how he comes across. He, unlike David, can hold back any annoyances or frustrations he may be feeling if necessary. But what baffles David is that Patrick doesn’t even _seem_ annoyed. He looks… happy.

“Do you want this?” David blurts out. It takes a moment for Patrick to realize the question is directed at him, not the baby.

“What?”

“Do you… you know… _want_ this?” David asks, waving the spoon around, gesturing at Patrick’s confused face and half-empty jar of applesauce and the baby’s grabby hands trying to reach for the utensil.

“David—”

Patrick is cut off by that _goddamn_ bell and in walks Roland, the senior, looking a little frazzled but just as dopey as ever.

“Hey, guys…” he drawls. “Looks like I got a couple of pro babysitters on my hands! If I didn’t know better, I’d think you guys were his parents.”

David rolls his eyes. _Didn’t know better? He’s literally this kid’s father._ He chooses to ignore the actual meaning of Roland’s comment for now.

“Roland, are you ready to take him? We’re not getting paid for babysitting. In fact, we’re actually _losing_ money by having the store closed—”

“What David’s trying to say is we’d be happy to take care of him in the future. I actually did some babysitting in high school and some of my cousins are starting to have kids now so I’ve certainly done my fair share of diaper changes at this point.”

“Well, thank you, Pat. I see you guys broke into this _organic_ applesauce so I’m just going to take the rest of this for the road,” Roland takes the jar from David and sets it in one of the stroller’s compartments.

“And pay for it, I hope…” David mutters, only to receive a light swat on the arm from his boyfriend.

“Don’t forget this,” Patrick says with a chuckle, passing the now content baby back to his father, his _actual_ father, that is.

“Oh, right. Joc would kill me if there was a repeat of the Wobbly Elm incident…” Roland says as he takes his son and buckles him back into the stroller.

“I don’t even want to know,” David mumbles under his breath.

“Thanks again, Roland. We’ll see you soon,” Patrick replies curtly, giving David a small shove for good measure.

…

“So, were you planning on telling me that you’re some kind of baby whisperer or…”

“David, it’s nothing. I’ve taken care of kids plenty of times before so I knew what to do. That’s it.”

David shuffles around on the couch, sitting up from where he was reclined to Patrick’s chest and turning to face his partner. He grabs Patrick’s hands and leans toward him.

“It’s _not_ nothing,” he says, speaking in almost a whisper even though they are in the privacy of Patrick’s apartment. “You like kids. And you’re good with them. Like… _really_ good.”

Patrick looks up at him with round, soulful eyes.

“But _you_ don’t like kids. And that’s okay, honestly. Being a dad is not something I absolutely need.”

 _Dad_ . That word hits David hard. It’s one thing to talk about taking care of kids, the logistics of raising them and the hypothetical but insanely heavy responsibility that it entails. But it’s quite another to throw that word into the mix, to imagine his boyfriend as a _father_ … to imagine himself as one.

“Patrick,” David tries to keep his voice steady but it’s still threaded with a nervous quiver despite his best efforts. “did you like pretending to be a dad today?”

Patrick clears his throat and cracks a nervous smile.

“I mean, it was a little weird to walk into my store and have to suddenly pretend I have a kid.”

Patricks attempts a laugh but David sees past his attempt to cover his anxiety with humor. After all, no one knows how to conceal anxiety quite like David Rose.

“You know what I mean.” David grips his partner’s hands a little tighter. “Patrick… did you like being able to pretend we had a kid together?” David swallows hard and takes a deep breath. “Did you like imagining that that baby was _our_ baby?”

Patrick sighs and turns away from David. He stands from the couch with a huff.

“I don’t know, David! I mean… I thought it was fun? That kid is very cute and I did get a kick out of watching you get all flustered.” David groans at that. “And sure, maybe in that moment when I was holding him and you were spoon feeding the applesauce for like a _split second_ , I imagined us doing that for our kid.”

David exhales deeply and drops his face into his hands.

“So I’m standing in the way of you and your dream of being a dad?” David sighs into his palms.

“No, stop, none of that,” Patrick’s voice is suddenly much softer, not much different from how he spoke around the baby. He squats in front of David and places his hands on his boyfriend’s knees. “Honey, look at me.”

David peeks at him through his fingers.

“I don’t need to be a dad to be happy, okay? I’ve got you and you make me happy and that is enough. If you ever changed your mind and did want us to have a kid, I’d be on board but I’m also totally on board not being parents too.”

 _Parents_. Another one of those words that makes all feel too real. David shivers a little at how visceral it all is.

“You know what though, David?” He pauses until David drops his hands from his face. “I actually think you would make a great dad.”

“Whoa there,” David mutters, shaking his head and finally smiling again.

“Hey, it’s true. You got a big ol’ heart in there, David.”

Patrick puts a hand over his boyfriend’s chest and plants a kiss on his forehead and suddenly, David feels a little bit okay.

“There it is, beating away…” Patrick whispers. He wraps his arms around his partner and now it’s David who can feel Patrick’s heartbeat, strong and steady and grounding, just beating away.


End file.
